Switched
by omalleyanatomy26
Summary: Dean and Sam finds out they have swapped bodies. Dean slowly starts feeling Sam's feelings and experiecing Sam's memories and Sam remembers Dean's time in hell. Both situations starts to kill the other person. PLEASE REVIEW! UPDATED! Last chapter!
1. Chapter 1

**I know I don't need a new story, I really don't. But this is going to be a fairly short one. Probably 5 or 6 chapters. Maybe 7. .I started thinking about this for a body switching episode, as a way to make it more serious, and I just couldn't stop thinking about it-even though I know we probably WON'T get a body switching episode that's why I'm writing it.**

**I know it happens fairly quickly, but that's just to get the REAL plot of the story going. Hopefully it's not total crap!

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****Prologue

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**When Dean woke he instantly felt different. His body, the way he was laying... None of it seemed _normal_. He blinked groggily as he rose and looked around. It didn't take long for him to find himself staring straight into _him_.

"What the hell?!" He stared at his own body in utter shock. Without thinking he rushed to the nearest mirror and nearly dropped it when he saw Sam's face staring back at him.

_"What the hell is going on here_?!" He whispered, his whole body shaking. He _was _Dean Winchester, right? He had the same memories as Dean Winchester...he was just trapped inside his brother's body, that's all. But did that mean Sam was trapped inside _his _body? There was only one way to find out.

"Sam? Sammy, I need you to wake up." He shook his own shoulders. Talk about an outer body exerpience.

"Dean..gerroff of me..." Sam grunted. But he said it in Dean's voice.

"Okay, this is just weird," Dean muttered. "Even for us weird."

Sam's eyes, no _his _eyes fluttered open. He blinked calmly until he stared into Dean's face, no his _own _face.

"What the..." Sam bolted up and started to reach for a silver knife.

"I'm not a shapeshifter, Sam!" Dean shouted. _Jesus _he wasn't expecting _that_!

"The hell you aren't!" Sam bellowed as he lunged for the knife. "What the hell have you done to my brother?!"

"_I'm _your brother!" Dean cried desperatly. "Just _look _will ya?!" He shoved his brother in front of the mirror. Sam dropped the knife when he saw what he was staring at.

"I'm...I'm Dean..." He gasped in disbelief.

"And I'm Sam," Dean said, shaking his head. "Like I tried to tell you," he added.

"Okay, this is weird," said Sam, turning around in Dean's body. "Even for _us _weird."

"Yeah, I'm right there with you buddy," said Dean. "I'm not having an exact picnic walking around hin your body," he added glumly and Sam glared at him.

"You think walking around in your body is a treat?" He snapped.

"Hell yes! That means you're handsome for a change." Using Sam's mouth, Dean grinned.

"Handsome sure, but I think I know you're secret Dean," Sam snorted. "You are _so _overcompensating for something," he added in a devilish grin. Dean narrowed Sam's eyes.

"Careful bro," he warned. "Walking a fine line here."

"How is that you get all the ladies anyway?" Sam asked innocently, truly enjoying himself for a change. Dean clutched his fists. "Careful Dean," he added. "You hit me, this is _your _face you're smashing, not mine."

"Damn it," Dean muttered. "Already I'm losing patients with you." He shook his head. "Okay, we've got to get back into our own bodies," he added. "We'll kill each other if we don't."

"Agreed," sighed Sam. "I guess you should call up Bobby," he added. "See if he knows anything."

"You mean anything in the nature of a body swap?" Dean arched his eyebrows, no _Sam's _eyebrows.

"You got a better idea?" His brother snapped. Dean shook his head. Already he felt sick.

He picked up the phone to call Bobby. After much confusion, followed by suspicion and disbelief Bobby had agreed to contact them when he had found out something.

"I'm going outside for a breather," Dean told his brother who just nodded.

"Be careful what you do with _my _body though," Sam snapped and Dean rolled his brother's eyes as he left.

It had only been an hour or so and already he was feeling strange. Feelings he didn't remember feeling, or knew that he had, was intermixing with the regular feelings. A sense of thirst, of rage, was boiled inside of him now. Where did that come from? Suddenly his mind flashed back to odd images in his head. Of him excorsising a demon, since when had he done that? Of a room surrounded by liquor bottles and pills. A feeling of despair swallowing up his other feelings. The sense of being cursed crawling through his veins. A sense of fear evoloping him. Fear of his destiny. _What _destiny though? What the hell was happening to him? These weren't _his _feelings and memories, were they?

Sam used Dean's body to lay down. Slowly he closed his eyes, already exhausted. But as soon as he did, red flashes entered his mind. Agony filled his body. Terror and pain too. He heard screams all around him, and felt like screaming too. His whole body felt like it was being ripped into two. Panting he opened his eyes in a flash and looked around his surroundings, unable to stop blinking.

_What the hell was happening to him?_

**Short, but the next chapter will be much longer filled with more detail-I promise! This is more of an intro chapter to get the story going. Hopefully it sounds at least a little interesting and not total crap. Please review though! I live for them now :) **


	2. Chapter 2

****

More people reviewed than I thought they would, makes me VERY happy :)

What got me thinking about this story was in Meta when Sam told Dean he couldn't understand what he felt. That was true. The only way that Dean could truly understand what was going on inside of Sam was if he felt what Sam was feeling. And same for Sam understanding what happened to Dean in hell. So this is gonna take place right after the Meta episode. Before Dean has revealed to Sam that he remembers what it was like in hell.

And by the people's reactions I'm probably going to make this a longer fic than I thought I would :)

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Sam was fuming. He had a sense of what just happened. A flashback of hell. That was the only thing he could come up with. That was what it felt like to him. The sheering and heated pain rising up his body. What pissed him off was the fact that his brother had lied to him. And Dean had accused _him _of keeping secrets? He sat at the edge of the bed, glaring at the door as it opened. He saw himself walk in. It still threw him off guard, watching himself instead of Dean. But at the moment he was too upset to care.

"Where'd you go?" He asked softly.

"Just outside," Dean sighed, still feeling slightly confused at the strange feelings he had just experienced.

"Are you sure I could believe you?" Hurt was in his brother's voice now. Even though it still sounded like_ him. _

Dean frowned, taken aback by the harsh question.

"I'm not the one who's keeping been secrets here, Sammy," he snapped, anger building in him and Sam snorted.

"Yeah right."

"What are you talking about?" Dean used Sam's body to give an exasperated sigh.

"I know that you remember what it's like..in hell." He saw himself look away as he spoke. Dean froze. _Shit_ so was his brother having strange memories too? And if those memories were _his _memories than the ones that he had just experienced was his brother's..he was getting a headache. He sighed.

"All right, Sam, I admit it. I do remember hell-"

"And you have the balls to yell at _me _for lying to _you_?!" Anger was in his brother's voice now. Hurt and Anger. "I've been beating myself up for days after you found out about me..and Ruby and the powers...only to find out you've been keeping secrets from me as well?"

Dean opened his mouth, no wait-Sammy's mouth, and clsoed it again. He felt trapped.

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to cause you more pain," he said gently. "I didn't want to create more guilt."

"Deacdes, Dean?" Sam asked, standing up. Tears were in his eyes. "You spent decades in hell, being _tortured _every _day _and you didn't tell me?"

Dean said nothing. What could he say?

"Do you really feel so worthless?" Sam added, as another feeling of his resurfaced. "That you thought you deserved this? Or that you didn't deserve being saved?"

"Sammy..."

Sam shook his brother's head.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me," he whispered. "I closed my eyes and all of a sudden, I was in _hell_. Dreaming of this. Do these images appear every time you shut your eyes?"

Dean didn't say anything and Sammy sighed.

"They do, don't they?"

Both were confused now. Before the idea of them being in each other's bodies had it's humorous moments. Now it was just filled with feelings they couldn't understand. Memories that they didn't remember.

"Sam..."Dean cleared his brother's throat and Sam stood up in his body.

"Now it's my turn to get a breather," he told Dean and walked outside. "I'll be back in a while," he added softly. "Just need to clear my head."

He walked out and Dean threw a lamp across the wall in anger.

_Damn it _this wasn't how Sammy was supposed to find out! He had tried to protect his baby brother, but instead he hurt him more than he thought he would.

Suddenly he gasped as another whirl of new emotions swept over him. This was worse than before. His rage was growing, becoming darker. He suddenly felt the demon blood swimming inside of him, taunting him. A constant reminder of what had happened when he was a baby. No wait, when his _brother _was a baby. These weren't his feelings! His memories, were they?

His mind flashed back to the gravesite that he had climbed out of it.

_He felt pain like he hadn't felt before. And despair. The kind of despair he hadn't felt since Sam died in his arms. And a sense of loss. Of great loss._

_"Sam," Bobby's voice said suddenly, startling him. "Sam, I'm sorry."_

_He said nothing, nothing he said could bring back his brother._

_"I'm going to get him back, Bobby," he head himself suddenly say. "It's not over yet."_

_Bobby nodded slowly and he felt himself wanting to cry out in rage. The anguished feelings intermixing him was suddenly uncontrollable. _

_"I really am cursed" he remembered himself thinking before he left the cross._

Back in present time Dean felt tears resurfacing. That surprised him. He hardly ever cried. But he sure wanted to. The feeling of despair wouldn't leave him. And the feeling of being cursed. It seemed to always follow him. Not to mention the sense of hunger and knowledge of how powerful he could become constantly being whispered into his ears.

Jesus, was this what Sammy felt every day? He'd kill himself if he had this many feelings floating around him. He closed his eyes, in desperate attempts to try and hope that these feelings would become dim, even if it was only for a little while.

* * *

Sam stormed down the sidewalk in anger. How _dare Dean _make himself fell so damned guilty when Dean was keeping an equally big secret. If not, bigger. The kind of pain he remembered feeling...that was torture alone. And Dean experienced all that, for him. Because he felt his brother was worth more than he was.

Tears filled Sam's eyes. How could his own brother think he was so worthless that he deserved his time in hell? That Sam deserved to live more than he did?

Suddenly a sense of pain jabbed into his stomach. Groaning he clutched it as he felt blood drip from it. Without knowing what was happening he started to collapse in utter agony...

**_To be continued_**

**_If only you want me too though! _**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm gonna try and update a couple of my older stories today like Switched, the one I'm updating right now, and My Little Brother and Someone to Watch Over Me, and Running out of Time and so sorth. I've also made a deal with myself, no more new stories! Not at least until I have a couple done. It'll be difficult but necessary, I think, for me :)

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**

Sam groaned in Dean's body as he hurried back to the motel. Dean looked up with Sam's eyes and widened when he saw the blood coming from his body.

"What the hell?" He stood up sharply.

"I don't know what happened to me," gasped Sam. "I don't know...I was walking and I felt this jabbing pain in my...your chest..."

He opened the shirt. Blood dripped from the skin. A huge gashing wound had appeared.

"What the..." Dean's voice trailed off. He sighed. "All right," he muttered. "Stitching time."

Sam grimaced and nodded. He sat on the edge of the bed while Dean got some of their medical supplies out of their bags. He grabbed a needle and some cloth and some medican to numb the skin.

"Here's some alcohol," he said, thrusting the beer bottle to Sam. Sam grabbed it gratefully. While he wasn't much of a drinker he knew this was gonna hurt. He chugged it and winced as Dean started to stitch the wound up, being even more carefully since it was his skin he was stitching. He still hadn't gotten used to that idea completly. Could they ever get used to it?

He kept on glancing at Sam, unsure of what to say. Sam's feelings kept invading his own.

"Look Sammy," he sighed. "I know I've been kind of hard on you lately..."

Sam looked at him curiously.

"Yeah, you have," he answered honestly. 'But...I've been kind of hard on you too."

He shook his head.

"The things you had to expereince in hell Dean...and for me...I'm sorry," he whispered. "Truly I am."

Dean shook his head.

"I'm not going to say it's nothing, because it's not," he admitted. "But it's done. I'm not in hell anymore, thank God."

"God?" Sam looked up sharply. "Why didn't we think of this before?"

"Think of what?"

"Do you think Castiel did this to us?"

Dean stared at him.

"What?"

"I mean he _did _send you back in time. Could he do this?"

"But why?"

Sam shrugged.

"I don't know. To make us understand each other? I mean we're feeling each other's feelings." He shrugged. "Maybe that's why he did it. So we could get..."

"Closer?" Dean asked softly.

Sam shrugged, half embarrassed at suggesting it.

"Maybe," he said. Dean nodded as he finished the stitches.

"Okay, done," he said. Sam studied the with a look of surprise on his face.

"Good job," he praised, obviously impressed and Dean used Sam's mouth to flash a smile.

"Hey, I _do _no how to do _some _things," he said, scoffing at that compliment. Sam gave a sad sort of smile.

"Yeah, I know," he sighed.

"Well if it _is _those Angels, than I sure wish those Angels have the balls to SHOW THEIR FACES!" Dean shouted the last part in the room and Sam stared at him.

"Happy now?" He asked calmly and Dean snorted.

"I'm still trapped in your body, aren't I? What do you think?"

Sam nodded.

"Dumb question," he agreed.

Suddenly Dean winced in pain. Sam sat up sharply in Dean's body.

"Dude, are you okay?" He was still weak from the magical wound appearing but concern for his brother took care of that waek feeling he was having. "Dean?"

"I don't know.." Dean gasped and blinked. He was having an intense headache, something he never had before. He saw flashes of things. Blood being splattered. A random person with a fuzzy face killing himself...

He lookd up sharply, after the headache vanished as quickly as it appeared.

"Dean?" Sam was grabbing his shoulders. "Are you all right?"

"Dude," Dean gasped. "I think I had one of those freaky premenations of yours."

Sam stared at him.

"I haven't had those since Yellow Eyes died," he breathed and Dean shook his head, still blinking.

"I saw someone killing themselves," he added and saw Sam's facial expression. "Dude, I'm not losing it, okay? Quit looking at me like that." He flinched as he said those words. They sounded familiar. How often did Sam tell him the same thing? Did he really look at Sam like that without meaning too?

"I'm not looking at you like anything," Sam assured him. "Look, did you see anything before him? A street? A house?"

Dean struggled to remember the vision.

"Yeah," he murmured. "I remember a streetname. I think it was in this town...and an apartment number too..."

"Good, that's good," sighed Sam. "All right, what name is it?"

Dean filled him in with the new information and both of them hurried to the car.

"Dude," gasped Dean, still fealing neasua in the pit of his stomach. "How do you deal with this kind of pain?"

"I don't know," sighed Sam. "I just do, is all." He looked at Dean. "Hurt's though, doesn't it?" He said sympathetically.

Dean nodded, still grimacing.

"I swear though," he muttered. "If Castiel did this, I'm gonna kick his ass. Uriel's too."

"I'm sure they would love that," Sam chuckled. Finally they arrived at the right locoation. Only there was an ambulance and police cars in front of the apartment.

"No," whispered Dean, remembering how the young man and blew his brains out. "No." Not bothering to stop him Sam hurried after his brother, an all to familiar feeling resurfacing. The feeling of failure.

"Sir, can you please tell me what happened?" Dean asked one of the officers who shook his head sadly.

"Poor bloke killed himself," the officer replied. "What I can't get over his how _young _he is. The good always seems to die young, though, don't they?" And with horror Dean watched as they carried a young dead teenager out while putting him in a body bag.

Feeling sick Dean walked away.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Sam sighed. "I know what you must be going through..."

"No you don't!" Dean snapped and than paused, remembering who he was talking to. Sam gave a sad smile.

"Yeah," he said shortly. "I do." He placed his hand on his brother's shoulders. "And nothing I'm gonna say will make the pain go away."

Old memories were resurfacing inside of Dean. Sam's old memories that is. Memories of other victims Sam couldn't save with his visions. They became overwhelming almost.

"I'm sorry," Dean finally told Sam. "For all the times I gave you a hard time after one of them died. About not beating yourself up about it."

Sam nodded and choose not to say anything.

"I swear though, I wish those Angels will show their asses," Dean added with a growl, causing a flicker of a smile on his own face while they walked to the car in silence. Each lost in their own thoughts, and each wondering if they would ever get switched back..


	4. Chapter 4

**Now that the holiday's are over I can have more time to update some of my older fics :)**

**Disclaimer for this chapter: The flashback Sam has of Dean's dream doesn't belong to me. That's from the Supernatural Dream a Little Dream, and while it may not be exact, it's close enough to put a disclaimer on so please don't sue because I'm broke! :(

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**

Slowly the brothers drove back to their room in silence. Dean was still tossing guilt around him about saving the boy. Was this what Sam felt whenever he couldn't save someone? The guilt was almost unbarable.

Sam stared at the trees on the side, using Dean's eyes, knowing that nothing he would say would change the way Dean was feeling at the moment. Suddenly his mind snapped back to an unfamiliar room.

_He stared in shock as he saw his brother standing in front of what looked like another Dean. Only his brother didn't seem nearly as surprised._

_"I get it," he was saying. "I'm my own worst nightmare right? Doing a little Superman 3 and..." But Sam wasn't paying attention. He was more than a little confused. The other Dean finally spoke._

_"You can crack jokes all you want, Dean, but I know the truth. I know how dead you are inside. How worthless you feel. How you look into the mirror and you hate what you see...."_

_Sam blinked. This was all news to him. He knew Dean felt worthless, but did he really hate himself? He struggled to understand where this was coming from. The only thing he could think of was the time that Bobby was trapped in his own nightmare and both him and Dean went into Dean's dreams. They had split up than. Sam had asked what Dean dreamt about. He knew Dean lied when he responded, but he didn't know what Dean had dreamed was so intense. Now this other Dean was talking about their father, and him._

_"Why outside of Sam you've got nothing. You're just as mindless and obeident as an attack dog.."_

_"That's not true," the real Dean scoffed. Sam was surprised by this accusation. He had always hated how obedient Dean was to their father. He had never realize that a part of Dean hated it too. He also couldn't believe that Dean thought this low of himself. That he thought he was nothing outside of his brother. He knew that was far from the truth. If anyone was nothing, it was him._

_"No?" The other Dean responded smugly. What are the things that YOU want? You're dreams? I mean, your car? That's dad's. You're favorite leather jacket? Dad's. You're music? Dad's. Do you have any original thought? No. All there is is 'Watch out for Sammy! Protect your brother boy! Why you can hear your father's voice right now.."_

_"See, now I'm getting angry," growled the real Dean. Sam watched in horriefied fascination at this confrontation. Never before had he seen this vulnerable side of Dean who hated himself. It unerved Sam more than a little._

_"He just trained you. You were a little good little soldier, and nothing else. But it was Sam he doted on. Sam he loved-" Sam's eyes widened at that. Dean didn't REALLY believe that, did he? "You were just Dad's blond litte instrument and nothing else.."_

_"I mean it!" The real Dean warned._

_"I mean your own father doesn't care if you should live or die, why should you?!"_

_And than much to Sam's surprise he watched Dean attack himself with the gun._

_"My fatther was an obsessed bastard!" He screamed, causing Sam to flinch. "The crap he laid on me about protecting Sammy? That was his crap, not mine! He was the one that couldn't protect his family! He was the one that let mom die!"_

_THAT one stunned Sam. Sam had always felt responsible for their mother's death. He had naturally presumed that Dean had blamed him as well._

_"He wasn't the one that was there for Sammy! I always was-" That statement had weighed with truth. Dean always took care of Sam. Even as a child Sam had hated the fact that their father was never around to take care of them. "I didn't deserve the crap he laid on me and I don't deserve to go to hell!" With that Sam watched in shock as Dean shot himself to death._

_Sam shuddered, thinking this horrible flashback was finally over when the dead Dean's eyes snapped open. They were liquid black._

_"You can't escape me Dean! You're gonna die! And this? This is what your gonna become!"_

"Sam!" Dean hit Sam's shoulders. No hit _his _shoulders, actually. Sam jolted awake.

"Wha..." He used Dean's face to look around. "Where are we?"

"We're here," Dean told him. "And the motel room. Dude, you all right?"

Sam stared at him, still recovering from the quick flashback. His mind racing with thoughts.

"Uh...yeah..."

Dean used Sam's head as he nodded.

"Good," he said, forcing the kid's body out of his head as he got out.

"Uh...Dean?"

"Yeah?"

Sam stared at his own face.

_It was Sam he doted on. Same he loved. _

_I know the truth. How dead you are inside. How worthless you feel. I know that you look into the mirror and you hate what you see..._

Did Dean _really _think those things? He had to know, but he realized that now wasn't the best time. He shrugged.

"Nothing," he mumbled, and stared at the ground.

"Okay, freak," Dean responded and went inside.

Even though dawn was just coming both fell alseep pretty quickly.

_Dean felt another ache inside him. Stronger than usual this time. It was the ache someone had when they lost someone important to them._

_"Sir, haven't you had enough?" He felt himself respond before he could stop himself from doing so._

_"No."_

_"Do you have anyone that I could call.."_

_"I have no one." He felt dead inside. Dead and dark. Not a good combination. The bartender sighed._

_"Maybe a family member?"_

_He felt his eyes raise._

_"My family's dead."_

_The bartender looked surprised._

_"What?"_

_"All of 'em. My mom, my dad. My brother. They're all dead. Mostly because of me."_

_"I'm...I'm sorry, I had no idea..."_

_"My mom died protecting me. My dad died...well he died because he made a deal with Azazel to save my brother..."_

_"Azazel?"_

_"The demon that was after me. The demon that killed my mom. It killed my dad too."_

_"Demons huh?" He could hear the sarcasim in the bartender's voice._

_"I'm not crazy all right?!" He slurred. "Demons are re...real. And they...they kill."_

_God, Dean managed to think, when was my brother such an idiot about letting these things slip?_

_"Even though dad died because he wanted to save Dean it was still the Azazel who killed him. So dad's death was my fault too. He wanted dad out of the way, so he could get to me more easily."_

_Even though he was still inside Sam's body during this memory Dean still sighed. He had to hand it to the kid for being creative enough to place blame on himself for their father's death._

_"And Dean died to save me. So I could live. So much for that idea huh? He says that I'm the strong one, but he was wrong. He was. I can't....I can't do it without him...I just can't."_

_Dean felt that ache grow until he could barely breathe. He couldn't think clearly, that's for sure._

_"Sir, I think you've had enough." He felt himself toss the glass down._

_"Don't tell me what to do!"_

_"Sir." The bartender now stared at him. "I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, or I'm gonna have to call the police."_

_"Call the police," Dean heard him say. "You're funny. God, now I'm not even wanted in a bar? How much lower can I get?"_

_"I don't know, but sir-"_

_"I know, I know...I'm leaving."_

_Dean felt himself stumbling out and getting into the car, praying that he'd get into an accident. That thought startled Dean. He was the reckless one, not Sammy. Or that was the way it used to be. Than he felt himself stumble back into the motel room, while sobbing pathetically as he collapsed on a dirty bed. _

_"I'm so sorry Dean," he heard himself slurr. "So sorry.."_

Dean snapped Sam's eyes open. They were back in the present, but his mind was still in the past. He felt sick over what he had just experienced. Did Sam really endure 4 months of this? It was a miracle he was still alive.

He winced than as he felt a stabbing pain enter his body and before he knew it he felt Sam's chest being torn open...

**I know that one scene with Sam was basically like the scene in the movie, yes I listened to it while typing this-lol, but I just felt it was an important scene for Sam to witness. If that makes sense, because it shows a different and more vulnerable side to his brother. I hope you liked this chapter though! I look forward to getting your reviews, hint hint!**


	5. Chapter 5

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I decided to end this early on, since I have an ending idea for this one in particular. I know I could do more on this, and I am going to try to throw one more flashback feeling stuff at the boys. I'm going to through in one more chapter to make it longer, because of a good cliffy but this is going to end this weekend cause I wanted to have more than one fic finished, lol.

* * *

Dean groaned as he continued to feel himself be ripped apart. But than just like that he was put back together again. The wound was still there, but it had stopped.

"Dean?" Sam repeated in his voice. "Dean, come on talk to me. You're scaring me."

Dean blinked Sam's eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he gasped. "Just felt like I was getting ripped apart."

"You too huh?" Sam was still trying to recover from his latest episode. He helped his brother to his feet. Than he checked the wound ."There's hardly anything there."

"Oh believe me," Dean said through gritted teeth. "There was. I could feel it."

"I believe you," his brother sighed. "Look, maybe we should get some rest. We'll be able to be more focused and able to figure this thing out tomarrow."

Dean nodded.

"Yeah, I could use some sleep," he sighed. _Some real sleep. _

No such luck. As soon as the lights were out and his eyes were closed a new wave of emotions covered him. Past thoughts of Sam's rolled into his head.

_I'm a freak. Why is Dean looking at me like I'm a freak? Oh God, I'm gonna turn evil aren't I? I'm going to become a killer and Dean'll have to shoot me. _

_Why did I get to live? What makes me so damned special? I should have stayed dead when I was dead. I mean I'm supposed to turn darkside, right? I don't deserve to live. _

_If anyone deserves to be in hell, it's me._

_My brother's dead because of me._

_God I wish I was dead too. Maybe I could get killed today. That way I won't have to keep feeling what I'm feeling. I can't stand it anymore._

_This can't go on much longer can it?_

_If it wasn't for Ruby, I swear... But who am I kidding? She's a poor subsitute for Dean. No one can ever be Dean but Dean. _

_This feeling...I can't control it. Scares the shit out of me. I feel so angry...so much hate. What's wrong with me? It's not normal to feel so angry...God, why can't Dean stop looking at me like this? Like I'm some kind of monster?_

_Would he really want to hunt me if he didn't know me? Am I really that far gone? Is God really upset with me? If God doesn't like me well I'm screwed. Dean's pissed at me now...just what I need._

_Jesus, now even the Angels don't like me! I mean Castiel wouldn't shake my hand and Uriel basically threatened me....Maybe I've turned evil and I don't even know it..._

_No one can save me. Not even Dean._

_I'm going to turn evil, aren't I? There's nothing I can do to stop it. No matter how many people I save, it won't change my destiny. _

_I'm going to turn evil and die. And Dean is going to have to kill me _

Dean snapped his eyes open and listened to his brother snore. He shook Sam's head. How does Sam sleep at all? These thoughts were driving him crazy. Did it really bug Sammy that much when Dean looked at him like that? He didn't mean to look at him like he was a freak, but Dean guessed he did unintentionally.

He fell back on the pillow and closed his eyes, bracing himself for Sam's emotions and feelings. But thankfully it was silent.

* * *

Sam was far from sleeping well. He was having yet another dream about hell.

_"Come on Dean," Allasiair was saying to him. "You know you want this. It'll make the pain go away. Why should you fight this? You're in hell right now. Thanks to that ungrateful brother of yours. You know I heard that he hadn't cried once since you died. In fact, he seems to be partying it up. It seems like he was glad to get rid of your sorry ass. He saw you for what you really are, pathetic and worthless. And that's why you're here. You belong here, Dean. Even if you never made the Deal you still would have belonged here, and you know it."_

_Funny thing was, as much as he hated Allastair he did know it. He agreed with him on that completly._

_But he refused to give into this sonofabitch. He knew Sammy couldn't be as happy as Allastiar said he was. Not that he wanted his brother in pain, but Sam wouldn't forget him so quickly._

_Or would he?_

_Doesn't matter, he still told Allastiar to bite him._

_"Very well," Allastiar said, and dove into Dean's skin with his teeth._

_Dean and Sam screamed at the same time._

Sam woke up gasping for breath.

"You okay Sammy?" His brother asked in his voice.

"Yeah...bad dream," Sam mumbled. He closed his eyes. When was he ever going to get out of this?

A knock happened at the door. They looked at each other and slowly Sam opened it, a gun behind his back.

The person that was there was the perosn that they were least expecting.

It was the trickster...


	6. Chapter 6

**I am determined to finish this fic this weekened, which is why I'm updating so quickly lol.

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Sam's fists tightened and Dean stood up.

"You!" Sam growled than, dangerously. "I should have known." He than grabbed the Trickster and thrusted him into the room.

"Of course," breathed Dean. "The only things powerful enough to do something like this are Angels and Gods." He glowered at the Trickster who smiled.

"You caught me," the Trickster said calmly. "Having fun yet?"

"I ought to kill your sorry ass right now," said Sam, grabbing the stake.

"If you do that," the Trickster said smugly. "You'll never get back in your bodies." Sam stopped, hand in midair.

"Why are you doing this to us?" Dean growled. "You think torturing us liket is fun?"

"Well, yes for one," the Trickster said calmly. "After all you did try to kill me. But trust me, there's more to it than that. Just like last time, I'm trying to teach you a lesson."

"Doesn't seem like much of a lesson to me," Sam snarled.

"That's because you're obtuse," the Trickster snapped.

"Did you just call my brother obtuse?" Dean asked in disbelief.

The Trickster smiled, and continued.

"Come on, isn't it obvious?"

The two looked at each other.

"You've been having strange dreams, memories and thoughts that your brother has had in the past, right?" The Trickster pressed slowly. "I've been watching you boys for a while now. The things you are willing to do for each other, and the sad thing is you don't really know each other. Not really. You don't really know what the other is feeling. What that person is going through personally. And how can you? That got me thinking, what if you _could _feel what the other person was feeling? What if you litterly walked in their shoes? That way you'd understand your brother more. You could communicate better to each other. See, I was doing you guys a favor. No need to thank me though."

"And ripping our bodies apart like that?" Dean growled. "Where was the lesson in that?"

"Oh there was no lesson there," the Trickster said calmly. "That was just for fun, for my enjoyment."

Dean stared at him.

"You sicksonofabith..."

"Careful Dean, I might be sick but I'm also the only one that can change you back. I suggest you realese my shirt, Sam."

Sam slowly obeyed.

"Please," he begged. "We've learned our lesson, just change us back."

"Have you?" The Trickster asked coldly. "Really?"

He stared at Dean who stared into his own face.

"Yeah," Dean said slowly, thinking of the memories and thoughts he had experienced. "Yeah, I think I have."

"I don't hear him be this serious very often," Sam added hopefully. The Trickster sighed.

"Well I _could_ let this go on a while-" He stared at the fear in the boys eyes. "But I think I made a point. Some kind of impact. Very well, it's been swell catching up with you boys. Let's have another one of these talks later, shall we?"

With that he snapped his fingers and both collapsed on the floor as he vanished.

* * *

When Dean woke he looked down on his body. He breathed in relief as he saw it was his and saw Sammy's real face in front of him. The Trickster had changed them back.

"Sam?" He shook his little brother.

"Ughhh..." Sam groaned and blinked. "What? Where'd he go?"

"He's gone," Dean said. "But he changed us back." Sam stared at him and sighed.

"Thank God," he said. "I wasn't sure how much longer I could have lasted like this."

"Same here," Dean replied. Sam stood up slowly.

"Well I'm ready to get out of here," he said slowly and eagerly. He frowned as he waited for his brother to respond. "Dean?"

"Yeah?" Dean blinked his way back to reality.

"You okay?"

"Yeah...sort of?" He sighed, still thinking of the thoughts that had drifted through his head. Sammy's thoughts. "Look, Sam, I'm....I know I've been hard on you about the whole going darkside thing....I didn't realize how much our fighting has effected you." He glanced at the carpet. "I'm sorry," he added.

Sam caughed and cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry too," he said softly. "For giving you a hard time about hell. I...what you went through Dean...I wasn't worth all that."

"Yeah you were," sighed Dean. "You're worth a lot more than you give yourself credit for."

"The same goes for you too," Sam reminded him. "And whenever you feel like talking about hell...I'm ready. I may know what you went through-"

Dean's eyes widened at that, thinking of the torture he had done.

"But I don't blame you, Dean. Not at all. I'm in no place to judge but I _can _listen."

Dean cleared his own throat.

"Same here," he said seriously. "I guess I judged you pretty harshly. I had no idea the kind of feelings you get from that demon blood. How screwed up it could make you. And the Angels not liking you and everything," he shook his head. "I'm sorry I was so harsh before man. And I just want you to know, you're not alone. No matter what happens you won't have to go through this alone. I won't let you."

Sam nodded, slightly embarrassed by this deep conversation they were having. He had to loosen it up a bit.

"Jerk."

Dean blinked, at first taken back by the randomness. Than he smiled again.

"Bitch."

With that both of them laughed, feeling slightly better and slightly less depressed.

"You want to grab something to eat?" Sam asked. Dean's small smile grew into a grin.

"Did you have have to ask? I'm starving!"

Sam grinned as they grabbed their coats.

"Some things _never _change."

Laughing they headed out the door, hoping to leave this place behind them but knowing that what happened with them will always be with them. It has changed them, for the better. It made them closer.

Sam never thought he'd thankful to Trickster, but he was.

He glanced at his brother as Dean drove them to the nearest diner. Whatever had happened to them and was going to happen to them he was glad for one thing.

It was good for his brother to be his brother again. He didn't realize how much he had missed that, until he didn't have it. Now that he did, he was determined never to let that feeling go. Ever

**I feel that I always suck at endings so I hope this ending wasn't too dissapointing! Though it felt good to finally finish another story lol. **


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